Your Thought Process During Hot Yoga

Clearly I’m a masochist because I’ve gone to hot yoga two times in one week. What makes me want to throw myself into a 110-degree room and smell rancid with a bunch of strangers, I’m not sure. But here’s how my thought process usually goes:

1. I’m so excited to be here! Look at me in my cute Lululemon clothes! So glad I spent $100 on this outfit that’s going to get drenched in sweat!

2. Ohh, a standing tree pose? Don’t mind if I do!

3. Wow, it’s getting pretty hot in here.

4. I’m not sure my body has ever sweated this much.

5. What the fuck am I doing here.

6. I might vomit on this mat.

7. Seriously what should I do if I throw up on this mat?

8. This bitch in the sports bra in front of me has GOT to be anorexic or she pukes on her mat a lot.

9. Please tell me the next pose is shavasana.

10. WHERE THE FUCK IS SHAVASANA?!?

11. KILL ME JUST KILL ME NOW I AM A SHADOW OF WHAT I ONCE WAS.

12. SHAVASANAAAAAAAA

13. Now where the fuck’s the wine?