Your Celebrity Rant is Pointless

iggy azalea ugly pics

You: The one with the angry Facebook post about how “fake” and “whorish” a female celebrity is – despite never meeting them.

That celebrity: Still richer than you.

It seems Iggy Azalea is the new female celebrity people hate, whether it’s for being Australian but “rapping with a Southern accent” or having really “fake blonde hair” or really just being famous and having her shit together. But, like, I’m really confused, you guys.

Because why do you give a single negative fuck about a stranger you’ve never met? How can you be so consumed with someone who will never know you exist? Why are you at home Googling “iggy azalea ugly pics” while she just made $150,000 in the time it took you to write that? (And I know you’re Googling it, because that’s the SEO keyword for this. Don’t lie.)

Since I find hating a stranger so confusing/weird/pointless, here is an easy checklist for the next time you want to post something bitchy about a celebrity – you know, a stranger who doesn’t know you’re alive, or that you ever will be:

1. Has this celebrity murdered/raped/stolen taxpayer dollars/been involved in dog fighting?
2. Has this celebrity had sex with your significant other?

If you answered “no” to both of the above questions, your rant about hating Mindy Kaling or Khloe Kardashian or Lea Michele is not worthy of Facebook! And the truth is, not a single one of your Facebook friends could give a single shit. What it does do, is make you look insecure. You’re better than that! (I think.)

The negative energy you put in the world you will come back to you. And we all know you’re going to smile and take a selfie with Iggy Azalea if you ever met her, so please return to posting Bitstrips and Candy Crush requests on your dumb FB profile.