The Thing about Thongs: Is this real life?

Whoa, whoa whoa, has anyone else noticed thongs are kind of, uhm, having a moment right now?

And I don’t mean quietly in someone’s pants where they belong, I mean parading on album covers and music videos and concerts and television – WHAT HAPPENED TO MODESTY, AMIRITE?

I’m just kidding. Like any normal human I think asses are kind of scrumptious, so keep on thongin’ on, folks! But it does make me wonder… are thongs acceptable in real life? AKA lives of those who can’t afford a private jet.

My answer? No. Why do I think thongs are inappropriate for us common folks? Because I felt dirty googling them at work. Unless you’re in Brazil. Then by all means, ass cheek parade.

But since we can’t wear them without looking like we came out of an R. Kelly video (a real, real low-budget one, at that), I present to you:


Well, of the past year, anyway. 

Photo: nymag.comBeyonce had a baby and somehow got hotter? Does not compute.

Photo: (and that creep Terry)The Terry Richardson photo shoot that solidified Miley Cyrus as, uhm, the corpse of what once was Hannah Montana. Also does anyone else feel like all of Terry’s photo shoots take place in a drug den? Someone vacuum that place.

Photo: Lady Gaga’s album cover, so, uhm, everywhereI figure they wouldn’t let her put a jar of pee on the cover of her single with R. Kelly, I guess ass is the next appropriate thing.

Photo: Rihanna’s InstagramI’m much more shocked now when Bad Gal RiRi isn’t wearing a thong. But props to repurposing my mom’s Jordache jeans circa 1988!