The Stages of Having a Birthday
So my 25th birthday is this week, guys.
And usually, I’m really pumped for my birthday.
But now, I’m starting to feel really effing old.
See, birthdays were cooler when my parents actually got me presents.
And my grandma would send me a card with $25 in it.
But now my birthday is just like any Friday – I’ll drink too much and spend too much money on clothes.
Maybe my friends will get some underpaid restaurant staff to wish me happy birthday.
But guess what, friends. Despite the fact I’m old, I’m not going to be a Debbie Downer.
It’s my birthday, you guys. And I’m gonna need Botox someday.
So might as well celebrate my youth now.
Jealous of my birthday swag?
COME AT ME BRO.
And if someone is like “Thea, you shouldn’t eat that food, it has so many calories.”
I’MMA DO IT ANYWAY.
And if someone is like, “Thea, would you like to go get some coffee for your bday?”
So thanks everyone, for all the birthday love.
I promise to stop being sour about it.