The one where I eat ribs & burgers in the name of lipstick

I wear a whole lot of lipstick.

It’s true. Lately, I seem to have given up on eye makeup altogether, and instead have switched to obnoxious shades of lipstick. From MAC to Julep to YSL, name a lipstick and I’ve probably tried it.

But ALL of that crap comes off.

I’ve been searching for the ultimate lipstick. A lipstick that can withstand a hurricane. A lipstick that can withstand corn on the cob. A lipstick that can withstand…

RIBS.

After telling the Sephora employee that I wanted a lipstick that some would suspect was tattooed on, she recommended Kat Von D’s Everlasting Love Liquid Lipstick. I immediately gravitated toward the most obnoxious color – Backstage Bambi. Basically, if you can see it from space, it’s the shade I want.

After buying the $19 lipstick, I knew what I had to do. Eat some mutha-effin’ food.

I always say, a real woman isn’t afraid to get a little messy when she eats. I ordered ribs at one of my favorite bar/restaurants, The Fed. Let me tell you. These ribs were messier than even I imagined. They literally fell off the bone, and when they fell, they made a nasty sloppy sound on the table and it splashed all in my hair (sacrifice for my art). I felt like I was in a Carl’s, Jr. commercial.

This is a good time to tell you all that as a blogger, I am not ashamed to show myself eating. I, frankly, don’t give a shit. If me getting sloppy on some yummy ribs makes you more sure about buying a lipstick, then we’ve both succeeded.

After eating the ribs, my lipstick didn’t move. It literally did not budge. YOU GUYS. IT DIDN’T MOVE AT ALL. At this point, I’m thinking “This is the best $19 I’ve ever spent in my life.”

But for me, that wasn’t enough. I was at The Fed! The Fed has the best burgers in town! And what do you know, my roommate next to me ordered that burger. In the name of science and beauty technology, I needed to try that burger.

It appears my lipstick did meet a bit of a foe in the burger. It rubbed off gently, and I did have some crumbs stuck to it. The lipstick isn’t sticky, but rather very slightly tacky and this might have been it’s downfall on the grainy, floury bun.

However, the lipstick’s appearance? Not even the slightest bit ruined. Ladies, if you’re looking for a lipstick that can withstand a makeout sesh in the rain with Ryan Gosling, this is the one for you.

Okay, fine, Kat Von D. Take all my money.