Stop being a jerk and download Pokémon GO already

pokemon go 2 EDIT

I’ll admit it, being a buzzkill is one of my favorite things. I am the worst on the internet. Snopes is my bible. I correct people’s spelling/grammar all the time. I’m a classic Leo who loves to be right.

But dammit, if you’re a Pokémon GO buzzkill, you need to get a life.

Yeah, yeah, we’ve already the think pieces about how Pokémon GO is transforming social media, and how it’s the holy grail for marketing. But with dozens of memes popping up over Facebook and Instagram, thePokémon GO haters are out in full force. So I’m here to set the record straight – there’s no crying in Pokémon GO.

pokemon go

Here are five reasons to stop being a hater and embrace the fun and download Pokémon GO already.

  1. Hating something popular is wholly predictable.
    For what other reasons would emo kids existed if it weren’t for hating things that were popular? (Fall Out Boy wasn’t that good, y’all.) Don’t be a cliché. You’re better than that.
  2. It gets you off your butt.
    You can’t catch a Pokémon by sitting on your couch. This game has done more for childhood obesity than Michelle Obama’s campaign did in eight years. How pissed is Fitbit that they didn’t think of Pokémon GO? This game also makes my runs much more entertaining, and greatly increases the likelihood that I will reach 10K because I need that damn egg to hatch. (Also let’s hope I remember how to run home because my battery is officially dead.)
  3. The news is hella depressing and it’s a great way to avoid it.
    Sorry, CNN, can’t stay and watch whatever sad stuff you’re reporting on today. #seeya
  4. You don’t have to know anything about Pokémon to play it.
    I wasn’t a Pokémon card collector. I don’t know how to play the game. I don’t know what evolves into what and I don’t care. It’s fun, Mr. Buzz McKillsky.
  5. Negativity is bad for your aura.
    See #3 for further proof, but seriously, hating stuff for no reason is bad for your energy. Be happy others are happy. Draw joy within! Or ignore it! That’s a fun thing to do too. All that time you spend on Facebook crying over people having fun – you could go do something else more productive! Volunteer! Organize your underwear drawer!

Now, you can find me wandering my neighborhood looking for Pokémon. I promise I won’t walk on any private property.