No, I don’t want to buy a house.

When breaching my late twenties, it’s quite apparent that all those around me are looking to buy houses. While I respect their manifestation of living the American dream, the urge to buy a place simply isn’t one that is thriving in my bones. When I tell people this, their first response is “But you’re throwing away all your money on rent!” Hmm, maybe, but you’re throwing away all your money and time on a lame-ass house.

But what’s surprising to me – most people don’t “get” why I wouldn’t want to drop all of my savings on a house.

Here’s why I don’t want to buy a damn house:

1. Because I don’t want to deal with selling it.

Selling a house? Yeah no thanks. It’s a little thing called the “housing crisis” and I don’t give a shit if it’s “over,” because there are a thousand other twerps just like myself who don’t want to buy a house. NOPE! BYE FELICIA!

2. Because maybe I’ll get an amazing opportunity elsewhere and have to move.

What if Colton Haynes decides to whisk me off my feet and wants me to live with him in Los Angeles as his new wife? COOL, I LOVE YOU TOO COLTON, LET’S GO! – oh wait, I can’t go because I own a house and now I have to sell it. Bye Colton. But for real, I don’t like anywhere enough that I’d want to spend the next 25 years there. Sure, Raleigh is super duper cool, but maybe someday I’ll decide “Man, this joint really messes with my allergies and I’m also tired of all these college kids,” and blow this popsicle stand!

3. Houses are fucking expensive.

I have issues with putting a sweater on layaway, let alone having to pay for something for TWENTY FIVE MORE YEARS. Huh? I won’t be done paying for my house until I’m 50?! What in the actual fuck? Oh, and I’m just caaaasually supposed to have 20 grand saved to spend on a down payment? “Here, strange person I don’t know, I’m totally fine with signing these 9849 documents that I didn’t actually read and then writing you a check for 20,000 buckaroos! No big!”

4. Shit breaks.

And I have no fucking idea how to fix a garbage disposal, so NOPE. (And it costs money to fix shit and I’d rather buy a pair of shoes.)

5. Because I’m not married.

Yeah, whatever, maybe this sounds very co-dependent of me, but if I lose my job, there’s no back up for a house payment. If the refrigerator breaks, I would much rather pay for half of it than all of it. I already have a dog who takes up enough of my energy – I don’t need a house being all expensive and time-consuming too.

Now – before you get to angry commenting, OF COURSE there is a possibility that I may want to buy a house someday with my husband Colton Haynes. Maybe I’ll even build one (lol)! But for now, you can keep your house. I’ll pay my higher rent just for the sheer freedom of being able to up and leave without having to contact a realtor. 

And, well, plus because I’m poor.