Myths about Yoga Pants
Yoga pants have been getting quite a lot of attention lately. Whether it’s Lululemon’s debacle or this crazy Hilary Faye-wannabe writing about how they drive men to lusttttt and betray, it seems like everyone wants a piece of that yoga pant action.
But like… they’re just pants. Let’s get some things straight:
Myth 1: Yoga pants are for tricks and whores.
Well you guys already know I am a total trick, but that’s besides the point. Not every girl who wears them is doing it because they want to be ogled by creeps (but if you are one of those girls, haaaay #feminism, do yo’ thang).
In all seriousness, yoga pants are really freakin’ functional. The way you can exercise in them and then wear them to get groceries without anyone noticing you haven’t shaved your legs in approximately two weeks. The miraculous way they make your ass look flawless while also canceling out the possibility of a saggy crotch or uncozy camel toe. And they’re fucking comfortable. I DARE you to find me a pant that is more comfortable than yoga pants. Puzzled? Damn right you are, because yoga pants are the equivalent of that airy fluff on key lime pie. They’re basically perfect. (Unless you’re trying to wear them to your business casual-loving work or a black-tie function. Then let’s avoid these puppies. Even though I totally wish I could wear them to high-heel events.)
Myth 2: There are better things to wear while working out.
If you are a woman who thinks yoga pants are the devil, but you also work out, what do you wear if it’s not yoga pants? Windbreaker pants? Do you make noise while you run? Do you layer 6 pairs of shorts to preserve modesty and increase your frumpiness? And before you say “Well I have cellulite, I can’t wear yoga pants!” Guess what, I do too! And you can’t see my cellulite through my yoga pants because fabric technology is magical!
As you know, my thighs also touch (#noshame). Yoga pants keep away the chub rub that occurs when you wear shorts. No going back.
Myth 3: You’re only supposed to wear them while working out.
Let’s be real here, you know why yoga pants are fucking awesome? Because they’re perfect for being lazy. So maybe it’s a chilly January day and you have a cold (maybe you don’t even have a cold, maybe you’re playing hooky), so you’re staying home from work and you’re not getting off your couch and you’re watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix for dangerously long hours (mmmmm… Tim Riggins). What are you wearing?
YOU’RE WEARING DAMN YOGA PANTS.
Myth 4: “I hate Lululemon, so I can’t wear yoga pants out of spite.”
I know, I know, Lululemon’s CEO is a total shit, and I’m sure you’re going to try to tell me I’m also a piece of shit because I like yoga pants. But GUESS WHAT. Other brands make yoga pants too! And they might even work better! Check out Athleta or New Balance for yoga pants that make my heart (and booootay) happy.
May your bum look ever so snazzy and your comfort level be ever so elevated.