I got 99 Problems and my Face is All of Them

I spend a lot of time staring in the mirror. I get out of the shower, I look in the mirror, wipe off whatever heinous mascara streaks are down my face, and then spend the rest of the time inspecting everything that is wrong with it.

And it’s not that I’m vain (well, I’m that too), but I stare at my face because it’s so terrifying. My pores are too big, my eyebrows are gigantic, my skin is a hot damn mess, WHAT THE HELL. So I’m just standing there in a towel, feeling like:

But you know, we’re being told there’s a LOT of things wrong with our face these days. Here are just a few things that can be “wrong” with your face:

1. Eyes too big2. Eyes too small3. Bushy eyebrows4. Thin eyebrows5. Thin eyelashes6. Short eyelashes7. Straight eyelashes (WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH EYELASHES)8. Moles9. Freckles10. Forehead wrinkles11. Skinny lips12. Big lips13. Face too round14. Face too square15. Small jaw16. Large jaw17. Crooked teeth18. Widow’s peak19. Acne20. Nose too big (A girl wrote on her Xanga in 10th grade that I needed a nose job and I’m still worried about it)21. Blackheads22. Dry skin23. Oily skin24. T-Zone problems25. Redness26. Uneven skintone27. Sunspots28. Scars29. Chubby cheeks30. Sunken cheeks31. Pores too big32. Crow’s feet33. Laugh lines34. Smiles lines (The hell is wrong with being happy?!)35. Nose hairs36. WE DON’T NEED A 36 BECAUSE THERE’S ALREADY 35 OTHER PROBLEMS WITH OUR FACES.

So when you’re feeling shitty about your face, come here and check out the .gifs below:

Dear face “problems” and those who perpetuate the idea of them:

So if we could all stop obsessing about our faces, that would be great.