How to avoid political conversations with your family

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This holiday season is ’bout to get weird, y’all. With the amount of polarizing news and the ability to see what your family really thinks about everything on Facebook (Wow, Uncle Bill actually IS racist!), it will likely be hard to avoid these awkward conversations around the dinner table. (Or when you’re watching the football game. Or when you’re trying not to fall asleep on the couch. Or when you’re forced to catch up with your cousin who’s younger than you but somehow has three kids.) So when the going gets tough, the tough get distracted – here’s how to avoid political conversations with your family.

The topic: #BlackLivesMatter

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What someone could say: “Gee, kid, remember your friend Trevor? The dark one? What does he think about those Black Lives Matter folks? I mean, ALL Lives Matter! Why are they more important?”
How you can respond: “Oh, wow, dark – dark meat is great from the turkey, thank you!”

The topic: Syrian immigrants

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What someone could say: “This year I am thankful that my Christian governor is keeping out those Syrians who could shoot up my town!”
How you can respond: “This year I am thankful for the phenomenon of cats being scared by cucumbers!”

The topic: Donald Trump

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What someone could say: “Finally, a politician with a business background! That guy gets it!”
How you can respond: “Heyyy, remember that time I went to business school? That was so great! Man, I miss the library. I have this really great giant diploma worth $60,000 though! Want to see a picture of it? It’s the background on my phone and I hold it while I weep.”

The topic: Kate’s Law

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What someone could say: “I heard Bill O’Reilly created this great bill to keep murderous immigrants from coming back to murder again!”
How you can respond: “How did you meet your fourth husband, Aunt Jean? I’ve been DYING to know.”

The topic: Kill, screw, marry – Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence and Adele

What someone could say: “Ew, I would so totally kill Emma Stone, screw Adele and marry Jennifer Lawrence!”
How you can respond: “You’re dead to me.”

Happy Holidays, lovers!