50 Things Worse than Miley Cyrus’ VMA Performance

Get More: 2013 VMA, Artists.MTV, Music, Miley Cyrus

As you all know, I love the shit out of Miley Cyrus.

But this VMA performance… even I was like… 

But rather than bitching about how much Miley sucked, let’s get some perspective here.


1. Genocide2. How fat Joey Fatone has gotten.3. Chris Kilpatrick no longer has dreads. (I just realized his name is actually Chris Kirkpatrick – thanks Cassandra – but alas, BRING BACK THE DREADS OLD MAN. Sorry.)4. Puppy mills5. Lady Gaga’s lace fronts6. Anything Billy Ray Cyrus has ever done. (THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT BILLY.)7. The fact that Robin Thicke is a grown-ass married man and was okay with a 20-year-old bumpin’ her coochie on him. (YOU NASTY.)8.  That Miss Jay is no longer on America’s Next Top Model.9.  World hunger10. Breaking a nail right after an expensive manicure.11. When the bartender won’t take your order FOREVER.12.  Trying to hail a taxi in the rain.13. Losing a limb in a land mine accident14. Cleaning up dog shit15. Cleaning up your child’s shit16. Cleaning up your child’s barf17. Cleaning up your child’s pee18. Birthing your child19. Paying for child care20. Deadbeat dads (also Tan Mom)21. Unsolved murders22. Having your period in white jeans 23. Being this woman and stepping in front of Madonna24. When your cat pisses on your clean clothes25. When you meet your exboyfriend’s new girlfriend and she’s actually really nice and perfect.26. Everything Courtney Stodden has ever done27. The recession28. Republicans ruining North Carolina29. Having to open your own car door 30. When everyone can see your underwear through your leggings but no one tells you.31. The price of goat cheese32. The morning after eating a large order of Taco Bell33. Those skanky Bratz dolls that girls have to look up to these days

34. People who still smoke cigarettes35. Buzzfeed videos36. Herpes37. Global warming38. People who don’t believe in global warming39. When your fish has bones in it40. Finding a hair in your cookie from Mrs. Field’s41. Student loans42. Gluten-free vegans who have to tell EVERYONE about it43. When the dummies at Victoria’s Secret forget to cut the censor out of your bra and you have to go back to the damn store and have them make your bra wearable44. Re-watching “The Mighty Ducks” and “D2” and realizing they really aren’t as great as you once thought they were as a child.45. Stubbing your toe46. Poison ivy that you’re unaware of until after you’ve used your hand for “adult things”47. The fact that women still make less than men.48. No more Harry Potter movies49. Your Pinterest project will never look as good as the one you pinned.50. Crocs